Why Fake It Till You Make It Fails Every Time
When you feel insecure or when self-doubt creeps in, the gurus often recommend that you should fake it till you make it. In my opinion, and many others who’ve tried it — it’s awful advice.
More and more people are starting to understand that the famous “fake it” advice fails miserably.
But they’re left clueless about ways to fix the impression they leave on others if they choose the authenticity route. Because, well, they’re not yet competent or talented enough as others, or so they believe.
Let’s see the reasons it doesn't work and then explore what you can do to actually feel good about yourself, internally, without having the constant need for others to approve of you.
With the “experts” recommendation, maybe in the short term, you’d be able to fool others, but in the long term, it’s almost impossible to fake a demeanor that’s not yours.
Second, why pretending to be someone you’re currently not if you can train yourself to feel good about yourself?
Wouldn’t it be worth your time to build your sense of self and feel self-assured for real, without faking some imaginary character you wish you’d always be?
Look, I get it. The easiest solution would be to avoid hard work on your insecurities and shame and just put a bandage on your deep-seated issues.
But that won’t take you far. Besides, you’re worth it, to invest your time and effort in your growth and well-being.
With the fake it till you make it approach, you have to put on a mask that eventually detaches you from yourself and your wounds that you haven’t yet addressed.
Not only this attitude will make you feel like a fraud, but you’ll also end up being lonely because you’ll never know if people like and respect you for you, or for the figure you’re showing off.
The Negative Side Effects Of Acting Like One Of The Insiders
Posturing a persona that’s far away from being your true self comes at a cost. Here are a few of the many negative effects:
- You feel superficial.
- You come across as inauthentic.
- Many times you don’t achieve the social acceptance that others get.
- You get further and further away from feelings and needs.
- The connections you make are not based on honesty and integrity.
- You don’t deal with the real problems that caused you to choose the faking strategy in the first place, which is poor self-esteem and a deflated self-worth.
I invite you to check out my unique tool to reshape your subconscious patterns to eliminate shame and start cultivating your natural self-worth.
If you want to feel comfortable and confident, especially in social settings, then faking it is not the solution.
In the end, your goal is to be accepted and respected, to establish connections that have strong foundations of authenticity, trust, collaboration, and support.
You want to be seen and heard for the value you bring to the table, not for the mask you put on.
When you keep putting on the mask of the cool and proficient person, you might get temporary approval, but how happy that validation is going to make you?
Explore The Times When You’re Faking It
The mindset should be totally different, an approach that handles the root cause of the problem.
When you posture, see under which circumstances you tend to do it.
Do you intend to impress others? Trying to influence their view of you?
What needs of yours are you trying to meet — the need for acceptance, love, bonding, respect, belonging, participation, contribution?
Whatever need that is, if you’re honest with yourself, you’d see that the reason you choose the strategy of pretending is that deep inside you don’t feel good enough. Worthy. Valuable. Competent.
So you try to compensate for your self-doubt by winning external approvals that somehow will make you feel good about who you are. But they never give you that warm, fuzzy feeling you crave.
It’s time that you learn to provide that feeling to yourself by working on yourself.
Take the time to build your self-image muscles. Develop your sense of self. Get to know who you are, what you stand for, your weaknesses and strengths.
As you keep turning into a personal development junkie, gradually, you will form the deep internalization that you are good enough and worthy of love and respect just because you exist, and you do not need to bag for it or prove yourself to anyone.
And as you become that self-assured person internally, that will project to the outside. Then, people will reach out to you, would be interested to hear what you have to say, and will look for your company.
Everyone wants to be around authentic, confident people because these people make them feel comfortable, empowered, and safe.
You can become one of these people when you stop faking it and start developing your self-worth by completely detaching it from your achievements and the cool folks you hang out with.
Even when you become your ideal self and clear the toxic shame and not good enough junk thoughts from your mind, you will still face fear.
In some situations, you’d still feel shaky, unsure of your abilities, and even terrified inside. But you’ll act anyway. And that’s different from fake it till you make it useless mentality. You know why? Because your MOTIVES will change.
You will not present a confident image to the outside to gain approval. You will actually take action despite your fears — for yourself! For your progress. You’ll take these steps because you believe you deserve to achieve your goals.
Your motives will stop being about THEM and what they think of me and will stem from a state of “what I think about myself”.
The intention behind your actions will be shifted. And that’s the beauty about it.
This mindset will enable you to feel complete, fulfilled, satisfied, and proud of yourself. Unlike the posing approach that caused you to be disgusted with your behavior at times.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t predict or control what others want or think of you. It’s not your job, to begin with.
Your job is to make you feel good about yourself, wash away the shame and low self-esteem, and start being proud of who you are. And the first step is to quit the faking behavior and redirect your attention to the real problem.